It has been a long time

Hello to all,

I know it has been awhile since I have left a blog. But to be honest I have not felt like doing so. I hate to always leave a blog telling how rough I have been having it or how bad I feel. I am sorry for not doing a better job in leaving a message. But, the past two years have been extremely tough and rough for me and my family. I cant stand having to go through everything I have been going through. I am very thankful and grateful God has given me a second chance. I am thankful He saw fit to allow me to stay here and be with my family and to see my kids grow up. The part I have had the roughest time with has been all the after effects from the bleed, surgeries, and hospital visits. My pain tolerance has grown due to all the pain I have to go through each day. But it is not enough b/c I still hurt a lot.
I have gone to a special hospital to deal with the pain, short-term memory issues, and seizures/passing out. It helped for a brief moment in time but I am back to the same. My wife has a hard time with it b/c I cant be much help at home. She is the bread winner now and is the backbone of the family. I forget things all the time and through away papers or deposits and don't know I am doing it. She has a hard time with my temper tamptrums that I cant seem to control. It is hard on her as well as the kids. My doctors are doing all they can to help with that issue but it is not enough b/c I cant still control them. I am aware of them and I try to control them for the most part but it is still rough. Especially after one I feel very embarrassed and humiliated. I just hate it for my family.
Some days I just don't want to do anything nor get out of bed. I have dealt with depression and I try to keep going. It has not been easy. It is not easy when no one seems to understand. Everyone looks at me and thinks I am normal so therefore I should be working. But I cant lift a lot and I cant bend over for a length of time. I just cant do it. When I try I get real dizzy and I start to have a massive headache. I try to do work around the house to help my wife but I cant last long b/c I begin to hurt or I just don't have the energy. I share all this for two reasons. One, for prayer. Two, so people can understand what it is like on my daily life. It is not easy to share all this nor is it easy for anyone to understand fully unless they have walked in my shoes.
Please keep in mind my wife and myself. Also, my kids. We just don't have it to support them or get them things they need. They are beginning to understand but it is hard on them. They are young and they should not have to go through this nor my wife. This is not what she signed up for when she married me. She is starting to break but holds it together in front of people b/c she does not want them to know how tough and rough we are having it with my health. She trys to go to work everyday with a smile. She tries to keep it together when we go to church when we go. I don't get to go often due to my health and that is tough for me. Since I was a child and since I became ordained in the ministry I have loved and enjoyed going to church. I miss going and I miss being a youth minister. I hope one day God can use me again to maybe share my story or serve as a minister somewhere again.
Please just remember us when you can. I hurt and I am tired of hurting. It is no fun. I am tired of taking so much medication to just make it each day and that is not enough on most days. Thank you for listening and hope to hear from anyone.

God bless,

Walter Herron